Thursday, 30 November 2006

scoundrel!

briefly... this radio programme's being repeated. I missed it first time round. If you have 30 minutes, listen to it...
it's a spoof radio phone in, totally fictional... and by halfway through I was almost crying, it's so ridiculous! Very clever.
click the link!!
down the line

el mundo de bono

"Thursday November 30, 2006
The Guardian


Bono has praise, and sunglasses, for new PM
New prime minister Shinzo Abe yesterday received praise from Bono, the U2 lead singer and an anti-poverty campaigner. After meeting the premier, Bono, who is in Japan on tour, said the world did not understand Japan had led the world in helping the poor, singling out its pivotal role in starting a global fund to fight Aids, TB and malaria. Although Japan is dragging its heels on goals agreed at the G8 summit, Bono said Tokyo would make good on its promises. He also said Mr Abe's image as a dour, quiet man was wrong. He then presented Mr Abe with a pair of sunglasses."

The world doesn´t understand, Bono? What the fuck do YOU know? You don´t seem to understand that you look like a dick, so how would you know what "the world" knows about Japan?
Bono has spoken for all Africans before, and he sounded ´just a little´ arrogant then.. now he´s speaking on behalf of the whole world. He´s a tool.
And giving a guy a pair of sunglasses? You utter bastard, why d´├Żou want the Japanese PM to look like a dick? What did he do to you?

Wednesday, 29 November 2006

20 seconds to persecute

stop persecuting polygamists
... you don't have to be bothered to actually read the above article. I did. Twice.
Why?
'Cause SURELY it's a joke, it HAS to be, I thought.
But no, this guy's serious, and embarrassingly shares his first name with me. What a bitch.
Maybe it shouldn't be illegal, I dunno, you choose your own poison I suppose. Not knowing any polygamists, I'm not sure what it's like.
One sixteenth of a marriage is better than no marriage at all? Fuck me, I'd have to be really depressed/mental to think that.
I am sure that everyone I've ever met would be more than a little upset at not being their girl/boyfriend/husband/wife's exclusive partner, though. It would upset me a lot.
Why is polygamy always "man with many wives", anyway? Why not the other way round? In fact, why not just mix it all up together? You could have, say, 6 women and 7 men (*numbers picked at random) all married to eachother, in a big marriage pie. Has that ever happened?
No, of course not... because polygamy is all about the patriarchal group, which is a backward way of living, I'm afraid. So, on balance, now I've thought about it... We SHOULD persecute polygamists! They, particularly the men, deserve it! But not in a murdering way, more in a stupid way. As I've said before, I think having society laughing at you is good enough for a lot of things. So I am absolutely not saying polygamists should treated like witches in the 16th (16th?) century or anything..

Jesus, I can´t stop... I almost choked when I read this:
..."It is also a fact that polygamy is a practice that crosses all of the major religions. Shared religious icons like Abraham (a figure of reverence for Christians, Jews, and Muslims alike) engaged in this practice, and would be viewed today as habitual felons. Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines, and Mohammed had 10 wives." Heheheheh.
So?
Is that supposed to be good? I´m SO glad that major world religions promote such behaviour, that´s SO wonderful!
What the fuck?!

Tuesday, 28 November 2006

ein zwei drei

es mejor o no?

Perfume: no ideas

A Long time ago in a galaxy far far away, I read a book called Catch 22. I loved it, and it's remained one of my favourite books ever since. Some time after I read it, I was looking at a TV guide, and saw that a film of the book was on that week.
"Not interested", I thought, "don't want to ruin my own imagination about this book."
So I didn't watch it. However, I couldn't help seeing the little picture next to the review. It was of the main character, Yossarian, and now this image has replaced in my brain the one I had when I originally read the book. That's why I didn't want to watch someone else's imagined version of this book I loved, cause images leave a strong impression, and they would replace my own.
So I noticed that there's now a film of "Perfume". Great. I read this a few years ago, and it's a bit 'over the top' for me, but I liked it a lot, and found it a very visual and vivid read. Certainly I won't forget it. I think anyone who read it would feel similarly.
As it is such a vivid book, why make the film? Why not, I dunno.... just fuck off and get your own ideas? And don't think just because it's European Cinema that makes it any better than Hollywood; I don't see that's likely.
Is it a good film? It doesn't matter; I know it won't be an improvement on the book, so for me it's pointless.
I love cinema, but it's best when it's being cinema, not pretending it can be literature too.
Millions of the middle classes will no doubt go off and find it a "wonderful film" and discuss it over dinner parties....

I won't see it unless they re-shoot it with Schwarzenegger in the lead role.


lovely piece of rich-bashing frooooom ???? the guardian, surprise surprise...http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/story/0,,1958540,00.html"

Sunday, 26 November 2006

ripe cheeses

I sometimes make compilations for people, or myself, and I really enjoy doing it.
However:
Missy Elliot.It's not because she's fat that I can't seem to fit her in anywhere.

Saturday, 25 November 2006

gits in space

Golf in Space? Is that the point of the international space station?
Regardless, I think it's good. We should send all golfers into space. Do they need spacesuits? Not really, I'm sure they'll be just fine.

Friday, 24 November 2006

folk folking folk music

right... I've moved, let's say edited "highlights" of, my blog here, from where it will continue, god knows if anyone might actuallly read it :)
so if it looks like I've made a ton of posts today.. it's because I couldn't be bothered to change all the dates while I was cutting and pasting, but they are at least in chronological order, motherfuckers.

goddamn amateur

fucking hell.. so I am doing a very bad job of working out html byt trial and error. Once upon a time, WHEN I WAS 14, I had the time and patience for this kind of stuff. I just don't, anymore...

magnumrepeater

ok. this week I keep walking past this poster:



What can I say about that? Magnum makes you rascist? Magnum makes you Black? Is this just a bit tasteless? I think they should have made it like this:


witness the shitness

Got visited, briefly, by jehova's witnesses today... and I think they wanted to come back tomorrow. Waving magazines in my face.
The only good thing about it is it reminded me that I haven't become a grumpy angry person... I always was. When I was 17 or 18 I got into an arguement with some in England, and they really pissed me off....
It will happen again. I hate it when people are brick walls, won't listen, won't reason, won't argue. It's a fucking irritating way to talk to someone. They suggest you ought to believe in this or that nonsense, then won't tell you why.

But why does god exist?
"jesus loves you"

Ok, but so what?! what will believing in him change?
"on the judgement day you'll have to choose"

So why can't I just wait and see? I'm not a bad person.
"but god will only save the chosen"

I thought he was merciful.
"God is merciful, he can save you."

No, that's not what I said. Why do I have to choose NOW if God is merciful: won't I be forgiven anyway, and after all, I am trying to be good!
"god will show you the true path"
....

....

(sound of jon exploding)



Look! Jehova's witnesses will be HAPPY when the world ends! Wankers!

And they do it in such a sanctimonious, fucking happy bastard way, I come away feeling irritated, while I'm sure nothing I said they even heard.
I hate them I hate them I hate them.
They are mental, and yet they make ME feel bad for getting angry with them! I am not Jesus; when I argue, I get passionate and I care, and I do get angry, and I don't think that's a bad thing. Only crap people get offended. And Even Worse People make me feel guilty for it.
I want someone to explain to me how it is that otherwise normal people can submit their brains to believing in such utter, utter bollocks. None of it's true, and it's pathetic.
And I really wish they wouldn't try to convert me, and just leave me alone.

like patrick swayze

So; ghosts, ghosts, ghosts... what can you do with 'em? Floating about all the time, proper fucking you about all the time. It's a right bastard, in fact it's amazing life goes on at all, what with all these ghosts everywhere, doing wierd shit.
I don't get it... when people tell me about ghost stories, I just don't know where to start.
I can't deny that people have these experiences; they seem genuine enough. The idea that adults would make this shit up is too worrying to believe (that would make a lot of people cunts).

a scene from real life.
So I can't deny it, it's just I know that these things happened in the mind, not in the world. I won't have ghost experiences, cause my mind's not built that way. A few years ago I was walking up a lane alone to my Granma's house, no street lights, woods on one side, black silhouette of an old church on the other, only the odd rustling sounds, gusts of wind and owl hoots to accompany me. I was scared, in a totally childish way. It was spooky, and my mind started to imagine what was in the darkness, making the noises.
But then the rational control in my head took over, and while I did feel scared, my imagination was reigned in, the possible vampires disappeared, and I hurried on to the house.
When I've taken acid (not for many years I'm afraid), I've never had "visuals", for the same reason. However wasted I was, that little bit of my brain kept things real, I guess. It was fun, though... and I must add, there's only one drug that turns that little rational guy in my head off: alcohol. Not saying it's bad - I love it - just making the point.
I digress. The point of this story is that I reckon other people, in the same situation, don't have the little rational guy in their head keeping control, and their imagination runs rampant. They see ghosts, feel wierd things. Humans being similar to one another, sometimes they react in the same way to the same situations, and "see" the same things.
So it happens to them, but they find it easier to explain it with something exterior to them, "the spirit world", which is a pretty wacky idea, I think, rather than admitting the power of their mind, and the idea that perhaps we're not entirely in control of it (me too, as I said, I get scared).
So for those of us who don't see ghosts, it's not because we're not sensitive, or don't have soul or anything, it's because our brains react differently to stimuli.
Chances of a believer agreeing with me? Abso-fucking-lutely zero. I'll have to wait till I die, and, as I'm certainly not going to heaven, I can visit these people and explain to them, s-l-o-w-l-y, how I don't exist.

plankton

DICK HEAD

What a plankton! What possible reason could you find to get annoyed about a HAT? Bono wants to save the world? Well he might start by not setting such a bad example to all his adoring, misguided, fans. Bono says to the world: Get Rich, And Act Like A Fucknut.

Let´s also not forget the tax evasion:

SHITHEAD

"The sweetest thing" would be if Bono just stopped talking and singing, and if his middle aged bandmate "the edge" stopped having the kind of name a 12 year old would think is "cool". Dicks.

Tuesday, 7 November 2006

my definitions of a

1: I might think my government's shit, and think the political system is stagnant, offering me little choice when I vote.... but if someone offered to help me get rid if it, by by boming my cities and infrastrucure, and quite possibly killing some of my family, friends, even me: I'd tell them;
"fuck off.. how about you let us sort out our own shit, without the killing and destruction, mmkay? And why don't you stop being such a complete cunt while you're at it?"
I reckon my reaction's pretty 'rational', and the conclusions that should be drawn for international politics pretty simple. Shame some leaders ARE pretty simple, I guess.

2: Punch Bono, if you ever have the chance.

3: So there's a god, is there? As Geoff Boycott, that tower of common sense, would say;
"Do you think I went out to bat for England believing in things that didn't exist? Of course not. I bloody well didn't. Come on: Wise up."
I'm afraid, girls and boys, that the burden of proof is with the believers in this case. When there is no evidence for something, or I see none, then it is not up to ME to prove that something doesn't exist. It's up to the ones who say it does.
"Well, aren't there strange things in the world, that you can't explain?" Of COURSE there are! I'm not a god! Just 'cause I can't explain it, or the greatest human minds can't yet, doesn't mean "ooh, that's wierd, so there must be a god, then". Jeeez.

4: Punch Paris Hilton too. Preferably on her expensive nose.

5: I don't care who you are or what you think, what groups you belong to, what colour your skin is, what age, sex height or weight you are... you can't expect protection from criticism, or if need be, ridicule. I'm not saying it should be cruel, you fat old christian bastard, that's not reasonable, and anyone can complain about being insulted. But being insulted is not the same as being joked about, and even if one is insulted, you should try and take it like an adult, not a 5 year old child. Oh, and you CERTAINLY shouldn't threaten to kill people you think are insulting you! Isn't that overreacting a LITTLE?!

6. Try to learn from your mistakes, or like me, repeat them until it's too late for your learning to mean anything... but try anyway.

Saturday, 4 November 2006

stick your aspirations

Gordon Brown, probably the replacement for Shitface Blair next year says...

'...I like TV programmes like X Factor, Dragons' Den and The Apprentice. They show the value of aspiration, how anyone can achieve things.' It is that sense of empowering people to succeed, he said, that would be at the core of his political message.

WTF? What's the deal with aspiration anyway? I hate this idea that we must all be "aspirational"... I don't have aspirations, and I don't see why I should. I hope I leave the world in no worse state than I entered it, but otherwise I'd like to live a pretty quiet life. Sorry, Gordon, but we don't all want to rule the world, or buy more stuff.

"Most of us are not only not special, but too often do not have the opportunity or the inclination to become special," said a very bright man... In fact, programmes like xfactor (equvalent of pop-idol I believe), and dragons' den prove this too be true, and worse. For a start, we can see that most people who enter these shows are certainly not special, just shit, and furthermore: If you create an environment where everyone is expected to perform and compete to show their talent, the result is that only those "who are most enthusiastic about standing on the faces of everyone else" succeed.
I don't want to win - I want to do my best, sure (sometimes) - but for me it's not a competition, and quite frankly, if someone wants to make it a competition, they can take it. I'm not that bothered (caveat - don't bother competing with me, I'm the best and you will lose).
The other problem with an aspirational society, is it's too individual. "ME ME ME, I am most important". It encourages the idea that "we have what we deserve, and fuck everyone else - so god forbid we criticise the rich, because they DESERVE those riches. They earned them! Now fuck off before I set the dogs on you, common scum." The poor, of course, deserve that too, the lazy workshy lot that they are...
A horrible idea.
In a competitive society, only those who really want to win do so - and fortunately for humanity, most people don't want to win so badly. This is because the people who want to win so badly, who crave success and admiration... are... fuckers.
Self-centered, arrogant, shallow, untrustworthy, egotistical slimy slick flash bastards, whose only interest in other people is how much they can profit from them. These are not the sort of people we should champion or admire, they are the type of people we should throw pies at, and ridicule.

What happened to working together, doing things for others... etc? There's much more to happiness than material goods, and beating other people; yet these other things take a back seat in a world where to be Number One is the goal, which allows that person to fulfill the aspiration to buy lots of expensive things.
Whoopy-shit.
What a pathetic state of affairs. Every day, more and more, I feel myself detaching from the endless shoppers, status symbols... sometimes it seems life is evermore an exercise in the commercial... the market makes the world go round, buy this buy that. What is it all for? Really? What does a new dress from Zara mean? Does a Plasma screen TV make me a better person?
Outside, the world has real problems, that buying things won't solve, that the "me first" aspirational ideal person won't solve, 'cause it doesn't help them. People should be encourage to read some philosophy, do some painting, make a space in life where the market has no influence.. and expand it. Allowing people the space to think and create freely, without it being sposored by fucking Vodafone, would improve the world immeasurably, I am sure.
A next generation mobile phone means nothing, except when flaunted, and then it means the owner is an "aspirational" dick head, and we can laught at them, and throw pies at them.
I've entirely forgotten what I set out to say, so I'll stop.

Thursday, 2 November 2006

everyonecreative

Iraq a 'work of art in progress' says US general after 49 die

So that's ok then, it's just Art. Did Hitler invite the famously creative Jews to 'art courses' in Auszwitz, too?

We didn't bomb Baghdad; it was a 're-imagining of the city'. Kind of like the old Baghdad, but on fire.
Now suicide bombers aren't creating terrible mayhem, but "expressing their creativity".
"I LOVE the way she blended her intestines with that innocent old woman, all over the pavement. It puts Pollack in the shade, it really does."
And look! The Iraqis are so overcome by the artistic beauty they're actually crying with joy!

Who would have thought these words would come from the land of advertising and marketing?
That government, and all Americans that vote for it; they're all culpable.
Me too, actually, cause I voted for Tuberculosis Blair in '97 (though not in the following 2 elections).. I didn't know at the time that having a 'left wing' government would take us to war so many times.