Monday, 4 December 2006

I love flying extended dub

I used to love travelling, almost more than arriving. Then I went on a plane. The first 2 journeys I enjoyed, but then it started to go down hill.
So today.
I arrive an hour early at Stanstead, everything´s fine. Then I meet the security queues, and am surrounded by meat-heads carrying their copies of the Sun and being generally loud. The queue; long and slow, new regulations blah blah blah. No liquids in bags. When I got on the plane I realised I´d accidently brought some ink cartridges in my hand luggage. Well, isn´t that liquid? Anyway, the bored x-ray machine operator aparently did´t notice.
Shoes off, then on, because once someone once failed to bomb a plane using a shoe bomb. I´m glad he didn´t try a pants bomb, as that would be a right pain.
The queue did give me some light relief, as a big guy who was trying to take a 20 kilo suitcase as hand luggage got stopped and told to go and check it in... he got really angry and started shouting "Fffuucking Stanstead!" at the staff in a Dutch accent. Funny.
I managed to get to the gate in time, and onto the plane, with my liquid ink, and the flight was almost not annoying at all, until we landed.
Then the in flight speakers played a trumpet fanfare, to announce that we, on a Ryan Air Flight, were early/ontime, and wasn´t that great!? The little publicity recording finished with recorded cheering and clapping. Fuckers.
The Bus journey from Girona ruined everything completely. I sat on the bus as it filled up with people, then the people stopped arriving, leaving about 5 free seats. Suddenly, the sunlight was blocked out, and we were submerged in shadow, and the bus began to shake... as a huge fat man squeezed himself through the door.
As soon as I saw him, I knew he´d fucking sit next to me, I don´t know why, I just don´t know how to give off "stay away from me!!" vibes.
Why would I want to do that? Because public transport has limited space, and someone built like a Zeppelin will make my journey uncomfortable! Was he a "good person"? I don't care! I'd been up since before sunrise, and didn't really want to spend an hour and a half more in darkness.
So I spent the next hour and a half squished into half a seat, against the window. Either Buses should be bigger, doors shout be small enough so fat people CAN´T get in, or he should´ve been put in the luggage hold.

Glad to be back, after all that, anyway.

1 comment:

Sunni Kay said...

I am really beginning to think that you have a real prejudice against anyone fat, ugly, or who says something you don't agree with. You want to be able to put off "stay away from me vibes"? Start reciting some of your closed minded, superficial views in public places. It will work like a charm.