Tuesday, 27 February 2007

Oh Jesus, It´s Bono

Director Steven Spielberg, in a press conference this weekend, announced he had discovered the tombs of Bono and The Edge, the prehistoric musical group, whose existence has been often debated.



The director of "ET" said "It doesn't get bigger than this".
The revelations come in a documentary the film maker has produced for Cartoon Network, rapidly becoming the most respected news source in the American media. In the documentary, experts reveal that DNA testing has proved that Bono and The Edge were married, and had children.
"Over 2000 years ago, Bono and The Edge were buried here in Jerusalem, and became the foundations of Western civilisation. Our discoveries should revolutionise thinking about who gave rock and roll to us", the ageing Director claimed.

Music critics have argued Spielberg is wrong, and that despite widespread belief of Bono´s existence 2000 years ago, his group were actually making music as recently as 2004. However, Spielberg pointed out "they (the critics) have no DNA evidence for Bono´s existence after the year 0."

This discovery comes hot on the tails of the coins found recently in northern Britain, which seem show popular Ancient Singer "Madonna" in a new light. Contrary to common belief that Madonna was extremely beautiful, the image on the coin is very different. Another coin, showing her lover, Britney Spears, was similarly unflattering.

Madonna, left, with her lover B.Spears, right.

Oh Jesus; it's Jesus.

Guardian Story
BBC Story
While some lunacy in the world makes me stupidly angry, and mistrustful of everyone I see in the street (for example, the popularity of Mr Brand, below), other kinds of lunacy give me a warm, comforting glow.
James Cameron, director of my favourite ever film, Terminator, has said "It doesn't get bigger than this," referring to his teams discovery of "Jesus's Tomb".
At this point, I have to say - I think the tombs of the Pharoahs were shit loads "bigger", and cooler, too...
But, back to now.
Lunatics, mentalists, - or just cynical film makers out to make some money; throwing around famous names, hints of conspiracy, and the kind of logic which - let's face it - seems to appeal to the general viewers of The Discovery Channel.
The Discovery Channel, the educative place where you can discover how ghosts exist, and how there are alien landing strips in Peru.
The logic that "we have tombs with these names, so it must be Jesus, Mary and etc", is schoolkid stuff. There doesn't seem to be anything in this "discovery", except an "expert" has decided "Mariamene" means Magdalene. Oh really, how fascinating.

A "discovery" usually means we learn something... but with this "discovery", we learn nothing... but there'll no doubt be some public arguement between dim Christians and these piddle headed film-makers about the validity of their claims.

It doesn't matter: if these WERE the tombs of Jesus etc (which looks very unlikely), so what? Does it make the whole Jesus story less or more ridiculous? Can we draw any conclusions about anything useful from any of this?

Yes.

Don't watch the Discovery Channel.

Saturday, 24 February 2007

failure of the individual and the company

Right. I'm not living there, but even from afar, I am affronted by the very existence of Russel Brand.

Look at him! Do you need anymore proof he's a waste of human life?
Worse, he's given me another newspaper problem: In the past, I read the Guardian, and occasionally the more boring Independent. Then, last year, the Independent let Bono edit the paper for a day, as part of his (product)shit, I mean RED, campaign.
So I have boycotted the Independent ever since.
Now I'm trying to decide whether Russel Brand is a big enough cock for me to have to boycott my favourite news source too. Because he now writes for the Guardian. I want to cry. I was going to put a link to his article; but he doesn't deserve one.
However, he does deserve a link to this emarrassingly bad tv show

Also, as a part time video gamer, I am amused y confused by Sony's self destructive PS3 launch. Now the Europe launch will have different hardware, and be less "backward-compatible". I'm not sure how much harder they could try, what with it already costing about 8 million pounds, to make people not buy one. If I wasn't completely addicted to Grand Theft Auto, I wouldn't even consider the PS3, but when the next game in the series is released....

Thursday, 22 February 2007

Saturday, 17 February 2007

lucky charms

This is a year old-ish... but really!



anyway.. I can't embed this, and it's totally unrelated too, but amuses me. "That's got to change."

Friday, 16 February 2007

more gayness

goddamnit, it's not surprising some people hate America: stupid shit like this just doesn't happen anywhere else:
Ted Haggard - Evangelical, Conservative Christian - was last year discovered to be a crystal meth smoking homosexual. It was a beautiful thing.
BUT, he went into "rehab", and after 21 days, apparently, it has been discovered he "is totally heterosexual". How much sexual contact with a man do you need to become less than totally heterosexual?

Anywhoo, it's the lovely idea a person can and should be cured which amuses me the most. And even better: in AMERICA there are actually courses offered to perform this miracle! Praise the lord!
Searching for a good explanation of this story, I found one: The Christian Post
I am actually scared to read more from this website, in case I explode :)

Also, back in Britain, some idiot thinks it's time for a boss revival.
No, I really think it isn't.
Bruce, actually you were "born to fuck off".

Thursday, 15 February 2007

Ha Ha Nuclear Blair

UK government Nuclear report
A judge has said the government process of deciding about the future of energy in Britain, was "seriously flawed".
Incidently, the basis of the complaint is that, 3 years ago, nuclear power was not considered a good idea by the government. Yet by last year they´d changed their minds, and not explained why (publically).
I guess the PM had decided that the nuclear option was best, and a "public consultation" was only a procedure, with the outcome predetermined.
Why would you do this? Why would "the best politician of his generation" decide such an important decision alone?
Because.... BECAUSE, he´s a CUNT!

Nuclear is a shit idea: It´s always overbudget, the waste problems have never been solved, the industry has constantly lied, covered up mistakes and needed huge subsidy from Governments.
It´s wank.

Extra! The onion.com has a new comment piece in a "point/counterpoint" style. check it out ...and then search for point/counterpoint, to find some VERY funny articles.

Tuesday, 13 February 2007

Why sexism still exists...

50 men who really understand women.
Oh my god.
I´m not even sure who is being patronised here, but it´s certainly a shame there is no journalist author to take the piss out of...
There are a few "suprising" entries - the ones that are there purely on the basis of looks, mourinho and clooney, seem to undermine the "understand women" thing, unless the writer is trying to say "by being attractive, you understand us".
George Michael???!!!

EXTRA!! this:M&S denies Kilroy mirrors claim
That´s just weird... do find out about the wonderful world of Robert Kilroy "rascist" Silk, if you have time!
wikipedia page

Tuesday, 6 February 2007

a desperate situation

Aesop Rock writes Nike running soundtrack
..So he´s a fucking dick then.. and what do I do about LCD soundsystem doing it too?
Please, please please will "artists" not make stuff to make Nike (etc) look cool? Please?
Because when you do something so blatantly for the money, regardless of whether you had "creative freedom" - it takes away your credibility, and makes you look like a crack-whore, but one with even fewer principles.
Fewer principles? Well; crack-whores will do anything because they are desperate addicts. Aesop Rock and LCD Soundystem are not, they are just shameless sellouts.
Very, very sad :(

I hate Spectrums

Charlie Brooker "I hate Macs"
This is an excellent piece of visciousness, which then an army of reader comment misunderstands... So under the article you can find a nerdy discussion of mac vs PC. Boring!
But his criticism of advertising is great, and this remark seems to have been lifted from my own brain...
"Ultimately the campaign's biggest flaw is that it perpetuates the notion that consumers somehow "define themselves" with the technology they choose. If you truly believe you need to pick a mobile phone that "says something" about your personality, don't bother. You don't have a personality. A mental illness, maybe - but not a personality."
Bravo!

And anyway, Commodore 64s are tons better than Spectrums - they have real colour, not some weird purple monochrome... and it has a real keyboard, not some rubber pad crap. It's not even a debate; Spectrums are just SHIT.

Saturday, 3 February 2007

Advertising people are leeches shock.


So I'm never buying Converse again. It's not like I care about Che Guevara particularly, but I get really fucked off with companies co-opting images they have no relation to. Of course this image has been used for non-communist uprisings before, but...
I feel the same about high street fashion using old rock, punk or metal logos. If they were cool in the past, or meant anything ever, they mean jack-fucking-shit if they are in Top Shop(or whatever).
When I'm thinking of armed proletarian struggle, I just pop on my Converse, and go.
Fuck off.

Friday, 2 February 2007

Arguement is OVER!

IPCC report on climate change

So, if anyone says "well, I'm not sure if it's really happening", or "the scientists are not agreed about this"... Shut the fuck up.
Anyone who argues against human-caused global warming is a serious radical, and possibly a dangerous mentalist too. Such a person, I would hope, would have read all the appropriate studies that indicate climate change, and be able to criticise them scientifically. Then, I might listen to them. But I reckon no such person exists.

Unless they've been offered money by Exxon Mobil to discredit the theory.

This doesn't really change much, mind you... as Tubercular Blair said, you can't expect people to limit their lifestyles. So, we can accept climate change, but still think,
"yeah, I'll take that cheap flight to the bahamas, my 6th holiday this year, because I'm an unmitigated cunt, and I want to kill my grandchildren and millions of Africans."

We're doomed!

serious problems in Norway!

So, this is here in relation to the "bishop's finger" post earlier....

Jon Stewart, who repeatedly proves satire is dead in the UK, and alive and kicking in the US, interviewing a conservative about gay marriage.