Wednesday, 16 July 2008

Life is a game

....of Tomb Raider!

yourgamebaby by playing
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"Until you have cleared level one, which I have incidentally never done, you cannot get on to level two. Level one is: are you a reasonable, decent, non-discriminating, sensible, practical person who understands the world as it is lived today, who wants to live in a modern world and who accepts what that means? If so, then you can move on to level two, where you can talk about some of the difficult issues about families and about responsibilities which can lead to trouble." (link)

So David Cameron, chubby cheese-faced leader of the government in waiting UK Conservative Party, describes modernising tory politics, through the wonderful metaphor of Lara Croft. In fact, they are similar, as they both remind me of arse.

Obviously he's confused, level one is: you are an underdressed woman who needs to learn a variety of acrobatic moves and to handle weaponry. Once learned, you can move on to level two, where you can roam caves and ruins, leaping from ledge to ledge, shooting blood sucking bats, and a variety of other supernatural animals. Just like in Buckinghamshire.

What pisses me off about this Etonian gitmunch is he seems to be presenting our problems as being solely our fault, but then blames someone else. Like, inequality is our fault? Well, no, it's the fault of black absent fathers (I am paraphrasing his arguement, obviously). So, once they take responsibility for da kidz innit, everthing will be wonderful.

This, presented as "responsible, mature" politics is working like a dream, as the mass of middle class voters feel good that they at last can address the "difficult" issue of why the poor are such a bunch of laybout irresponsible violent irks - while not having to address why their own BMW driving public schooling 4 holiday-a-year lifestyle and fuck everyone else 'especially next door who are a right load of you know whats' and the rest of the planet attitude is ruining everything.... (breath).

So thanks, David, for being such a dickbag.

Perhaps voting Tory will be like playing Resident Evil for the first time: You learn what to do, then get eaten to death by crazed zombies (is there any other kind?). We can only hope it will be thus.

!! Logic Update !!
Level one is "are you a reasonable, decent, non-discriminating, sensible, practical person who understands the world as it is lived today, who wants to live in a modern world and who accepts what that means?" You have to achieve this to proceed to level two, which, as Cameron says, "I have incidentally never done."
Ha!

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